Happy New Year, Llamas!

from /Film

This looks like Oscar bait, first and formost. Claire Cosby makes an appearence as The Mother who “did the best she could” which makes me get a Precious-y vibe from this trailer. I’ll Netflix it, but only on a slow weekend.

Drudge Report is scary today
Feel like Matt Drudge knows what’s up in the world
Knows when the make headline red
Knows when to make it “all caps”

Hillary sounds like a boss
Making Orders
Spyin on the UN
Collecting Credit Card Numbers of Dignitary Bros and Hos
Winning Capitol Halloween Contests in Pumpkin Costumes

In an unprecedented bipartisan move, Hillary was the Great Pumpkin and Lindsay Graham was Charlie Brown

Questioning that hotty Argentine President
(who used to be the first lady)

Maybe Hill is just jealous
of her youthful energy
her South American Charm
the kind of charm Mark Sanford dissapeared for
the kind of charm that gets a first lady elected president

the kind of charm Hillary never could muster
as she was cracking the glass ceiling with her “iron curtains“
and shedding tears in New Hampshire

Who is this guy they call “Wikileaks”
Feel like that’s just Thom Yorke

who shaved his beard off after that “the Eraser” album he made on his computer
moving on to bigger and better things
Like takin down America
2+2=5

ABC BBD

Just keep in on the down low.

Girls, what’s my weakness? MEN!

Or better yet, a Terminator. Like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Me and the whole crew used to do her.

Why don’t they just let me live? (BECAUSE YOU RUINED WHITNEY HOUSTON FOR THE REST OF US, YOU DIPSHIT)

In order for the empire to strike back, it has to strike in the first place

My gas tank is full, for some reason, and I park in the back

(ignore the valet parking option)

my car is too dirty to tip someone for driving it 20 feet to a parking space

Walking in the door I am confronted with the bougie masses

the yoga pants milf with the nice ass
buying wines for herself and her gals

her frumpy counterpart, the aging could-be cougar
(She had big hair in the 90′s and was a Cowboys fan in simpler times)
buying wines for herself and gals

The Cool Dads with carts of organics
and multiracial children in tow
with healthy smiles and Catholic school uniforms

The Old Man in sea of youth
taking his time in the cheese village
making sure to pick the right cheese

The 20-something White Girl
with a Job and a lifestyle
grabbing the allegren free detergent

And then there I am
but I can’t see me
Nodding my head to thee beat of a Wilco song
wearing running shorts
(with no plans to run)

with my half pack of cigarettes

Where do I fit into this “central market”
with my bags of chili lime cashews
with my garic pesto chicken breast
(boneless)

With my Curry Tomato Paste
With my special British butter

With my sample-size coffee cup
with a sample size piece of fruit cake, stuffed inside
which i took but didn’t eat
because it looked gross

with the plantain I bought that will sit in my fridge
next to at least two cycles of clementines
waiting to be eaten
waiting to be chosen to be eaten
until it rots and I (my roommate) puts it in the hippy compost bin

With The tattoed cashier
smiling with employment
happy to bag my groceries
or to even let me help, if I want

(but he would prefer I bring re-usable bags
and if I lost those I can by more re-usable bags, don’t worry)

you can always buy more bags
at the central market

Using Sam’s Club Cheese Balls as a palate cleanser between 100,000 calorie meals.

#9 #8  & #7

Eating Seven Layer Salad for breakfast
Using Seven Layer Salad as a sandwich topping
Eating so much fucking Seven Layer Salad

#6

Butter Cow sez "Meh"

How each meal of leftovers I sat down to had approximately 15 pounds of butter per forkfull

#5

Fatshion

Wearing skinny jeans for the family picture before Thanksgiving dinner. I almost gave myself a hernia.

#4

'mericun

Eating so much of my Aunt’s kick ass apple pie that I was too full to eat her kick ass pumpkin pie. Noooooo!

#3

Scaled grapes, anyone?

Burning the shit out of my mouth on my cousin’s mulled wine. Second degree burns and clovey cinnamony essence settling in right afterward? Heaven.

#2

Taking 6th place in the Euchre tournament.

#1

I want to do it all again. What a fucking sap!